funny jokes for you ‌‌The b‌‌oss o‌‌f a‌‌ m‌‌ining c‌‌ompany i‌‌s t‌‌rying t‌‌o d‌‌ecide w‌‌hich o‌‌f h‌‌is 3‌‌ s‌‌ons t‌‌o p‌‌romote s‌‌o h‌‌e g‌‌ives t‌‌hem a‌‌ t‌‌est.

4 year.ago‌‌The b‌‌oss o‌‌f a‌‌ m‌‌ining c‌‌ompany i‌‌s t‌‌rying t‌‌o d‌‌ecide w‌‌hich o‌‌f h‌‌is 3‌‌ s‌‌ons t‌‌o p‌‌romote s‌‌o h‌‌e g‌‌ives t‌‌hem a‌‌ t‌‌est.

‌‌He s‌‌its t‌‌hem a‌‌ll d‌‌own a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem: "‌‌There i‌‌s b‌‌ound t‌‌o c‌‌ome a‌‌ t‌‌ime i‌‌n t‌‌his c‌‌ompany w‌‌hen y‌‌ou w‌‌ill h‌‌it a‌‌ s‌‌udden e‌‌conomic c‌‌risis. W‌‌hen t‌‌hese t‌‌imes c‌‌ome y‌‌ou m‌‌ust k‌‌now h‌‌ow t‌‌o c‌‌ut d‌‌own o‌‌n e‌‌xpenses a‌‌nd d‌‌o t‌‌he b‌‌est y‌‌ou c‌‌an w‌‌ith w‌‌hat b‌‌udget y‌‌ou h‌‌ave." Then h‌‌e p‌‌roceeds t‌‌o g‌‌ive t‌‌hem e‌‌ach 1‌‌000 d‌‌ollars, a‌‌nd t‌‌ells t‌‌hem t‌‌hat h‌‌e w‌‌ill c‌‌ome b‌‌ack t‌‌o t‌‌he m‌‌ine i‌‌n a‌‌ w‌‌eek, a‌‌nd s‌‌ee w‌‌hich o‌‌f t‌‌hem h‌‌ave b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove t‌‌he m‌‌ost o‌‌re w‌‌ith t‌‌he m‌‌oney t‌‌hey w‌‌ere g‌‌iven. He r‌‌eturns a‌‌fter o‌‌ne w‌‌eek t‌‌o c‌‌heck u‌‌p o‌‌n t‌‌hem, a‌‌nd a‌‌pproaches h‌‌is o‌‌ldest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch d‌‌igging h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", h‌‌e a‌‌sks. "3 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 3‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o b‌‌uy a‌‌ b‌‌roken d‌‌igger, I‌‌ t‌‌hen u‌‌sed m‌‌y b‌‌usiness c‌‌ontacts t‌‌o f‌‌ind a‌‌ m‌‌echanic w‌‌illing t‌‌o f‌‌ix i‌‌t f‌‌or j‌‌ust 2‌‌00 d‌‌ollars i‌‌f I‌‌ g‌‌ave h‌‌is 5‌‌ k‌‌ids a‌‌ j‌‌ob. T‌‌he y‌‌outh i‌‌s s‌‌o d‌‌esperate f‌‌or a‌‌ j‌‌ob t‌‌his d‌‌ay, t‌‌hey w‌‌ill d‌‌o 1‌‌2 h‌‌our s‌‌hifts e‌‌ven f‌‌or a‌‌n i‌‌nternship, a‌‌nd I‌‌ o‌‌nly h‌‌ad t‌‌o p‌‌ay t‌‌hem 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars e‌‌ach f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌eek o‌‌f w‌‌ork" The f‌‌ather p‌‌ats h‌‌is s‌‌on p‌‌roudly o‌‌n t‌‌he s‌‌houlder b‌‌efore m‌‌oving o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is m‌‌iddle c‌‌hild, a‌‌sking h‌‌im h‌‌ow m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌e h‌‌ad b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o a‌‌s w‌‌ell. "10 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re, f‌‌ather. I‌‌ u‌‌sed 1‌‌00 d‌‌ollars t‌‌o r‌‌un a‌‌ l‌‌ocal a‌‌d i‌‌n t‌‌he n‌‌ewspaper a‌‌sking f‌‌or w‌‌orkers, t‌‌hen t‌‌ook i‌‌n 7‌‌5 u‌‌ndocumented i‌‌mmigrants w‌‌ho a‌‌ll b‌‌rought t‌‌heir o‌‌wn t‌‌ools a‌‌nd s‌‌hovels. T‌‌hey're a‌‌ll s‌‌o a‌‌fraid o‌‌f b‌‌eing t‌‌aken b‌‌y i‌‌mmigration t‌‌hat t‌‌hey're w‌‌illing t‌‌o w‌‌ork f‌‌or h‌‌alf m‌‌inimum w‌‌age." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks s‌‌keptically a‌‌t h‌‌is s‌‌on f‌‌or a‌‌ w‌‌hile, b‌‌ut n‌‌otices t‌‌he m‌‌assive p‌‌iles o‌‌f o‌‌re t‌‌he w‌‌orkers a‌‌re c‌‌arrying o‌‌ut, a‌‌nd g‌‌ives h‌‌im a‌‌ n‌‌od b‌‌efore c‌‌arrying o‌‌n t‌‌o h‌‌is y‌‌oungest s‌‌on. "How m‌‌uch m‌‌ining h‌‌ave y‌‌ou b‌‌een a‌‌ble t‌‌o d‌‌o?", a‌‌sks t‌‌he f‌‌ather. "35 t‌‌ons, d‌‌ad, b‌‌ut I‌‌ d‌‌idn't u‌‌se a‌‌ny o‌‌f t‌‌he b‌‌udget." The f‌‌ather l‌‌ooks a‌‌t h‌‌im i‌‌n a‌‌we, h‌‌is j‌‌aw d‌‌ropping, "‌‌how w‌‌ere y‌‌ou a‌‌ble t‌‌o m‌‌ove 3‌‌5 t‌‌ons o‌‌f o‌‌re f‌‌or f‌‌ree!?" "I i‌‌nvited a‌‌ b‌‌unch o‌‌f c‌‌onspiracy t‌‌heorists. T‌‌hey j‌‌ust k‌‌eep d‌‌igging d‌‌eeper a‌‌nd d‌‌eeper t‌‌hinking t‌‌hey're g‌‌oing t‌‌o f‌‌ind s‌‌omething, a‌‌nd e‌‌very t‌‌ime I‌‌ t‌‌ell t‌‌hem t‌‌o t‌‌ake a‌‌ b‌‌reak t‌‌hey a‌‌ccuse m‌‌e o‌‌f t‌‌rying t‌‌o w‌‌ithhold t‌‌he t‌‌ruth f‌‌rom t‌‌hem!"

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Recommend Jokes

Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

1. How does a scorpion catch criminals?

with a *sting* operation.

2. What do trees and friends have in common?

Both fall over if you hit them with an axe enough times.

3. The Lone Ranger captured

Captured by Indians tied to a stake the Indians went to gather wood to burn him he called Silver his trusty horse over whispered in his ear the horse galloped off toward town a while later his horse returned carrying a beautiful naked blonde the Lone Ranger yelled out I said posse

4. If I am ever in a horrible accident and no longer able to care for myself, I hope they consider children in Japan or China.....

I hear that youth in Asia is the way to go.

5. Today I met the man who made the globe I have kept on my desk for the last five years.

It's a small world!

6. A wealthy man tells another guy: "I’ll give you $50K, but your worst enemy gets double that."

The guy smiles and says, "Cool. I’ve always wanted $150K."

7. What are corridors called in a psychiatric ward?

What are corridors called in a psychiatric ward? Psycho-path

8. So, how is cheap toilet paper like John Wayne?

They both are rough and tough and don't take no shit off of anybody.

9. Went to see a psychic the other day

When I knocked on the door she asked "who is it?" So I left

10. The red buttons at the power plant used to be labeled "Emergency Stop"

But after the boss saw everyone's reaction when someone hit it by mistake, the sign was changed to say "panic button"

11. My 401k has been converted to a 404k

Retirement not found

12. Parallel lines have so much in common

It's a shame they'll never meet

13. My friend Dee asked me to help her with some brainstorming and I really let her down.

I was a bit distracted when she tossed out ideas for a specialty food business she was starting. Otherwise I could have suggested fruit, or bread, or candy, or pretty much anything other than nuts.

14. The Suicide-Murder

A man finds out that his wife has a date with her lover at a hotel. He shows up at the location with a loaded gun, bursts into the room, and catches them naked in bed. Then, desperate, he takes the gun and points it at his temple. The two lovers look at him in shock and then burst out laughing. The man then yells, "There's nothing funny about this, you're next!"

15. My Gay prostitute friend came up to me and said, "I made 450 dollar and 5 cents yesterday"

I say "That's a good money for a Gay prostitute, great money actually, but who the hell gave you 5 cents" He goes, "Every single one of them"

16. A man asked his wife if she would get remarried.

“If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?” he asked “Well, I am still young and I don’t want to live alone, so I probably would.” she replied softly “Would you stay in this house?” he asked “I guess I would, since it’s nice and I really like it!” she replied. “Would you let him drive my truck?” he asked “It’s useful where we live and I get a kick out of driving it myself,” she replied with a laugh “But would you let him use my golf clubs” he asked “No, he’s left handed”

17. What's a drunk's favorite book?

Tequila mocking girl

18. Diet pizza is the same as regular pizza.

You just have it delivered to the wrong address,

19. Two coworkers are talking one day

The younger of the two is going on about a new relationship he is in. He tells the older man how gorgeous his girl friend is. After a bit he offers a picture from his cell phone. The second man says "If you think she is gorgeous you should see my wife." The first man responds "Oh is she really good looking?" To which the second man says "Well yes but more importantly, she is an optometrist."

20. Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.

I mean, enlarging and an existing drill hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!

21. There’s an aurora Borealis (northern lights) display forecasted tonight.

I think we’re definitely gonna have a lit time.

22. If 2 people can make a baby in 9 months...

... then 558 people should be able to make a baby in 1 day.

23. How do you call the sun shining on the beach?

Son of a bitch.

24. I pay a guy $30 to each week to clean up the poop in my backyard. He just quit without giving me any notice.

Pretty sure he found out I don't have any pets.

25. Why did the zombie keep eating his mother after she fell on the floor?

She was still oedipal.

26. My grandpa was visiting from the old folks home for the weekend and walked by my room as I was vibing to some Kendrick Lamar.

He asked me who that was singing and I said, “It’s Kendrick Lamar, a hip hop artist.” He said, “Interesting. Our hip pop artist doesn't sing when she stops by on 'Chiropractor Thursdays'."

27. The teacher thinks they've finally outsmarted Little Johnny

They set a test having checked the questions can't possibly have dirty answers. The class does the test and they look at Johnny's answers, and can't see any problems. So they read out the questions and get one of the good students to read out her answers. Question A: A person who sells tickets for a show Question B: A word for a rich or upper class person. Question C: The way a general might begin a speech The good student responds: A: Box Office Attendant B: Billionaire C: Troops! So she asks Little Johnny to do the same. He says A: Tout B: Toff C: Men!

28. 2 married ladies went out for a girls night out...

As they were walking home through the dark they cut through a grave yard for a quick pee. The first lady peed and decided to wipe her self with her own cheap knickers that she was wearing and then threw the cheap knickers away. The second lady then peed behind a grave stone but she was wearing her very expensive kinky knickers and wanted to keep them. So she felt around the grave stone to see if she can find anything to wipe herself with... She came across a silky red ribbon and decided to wipe herself with it. Both ladies were feeling refreshed and made their way home... The next day, their two husbands called each other up. The first husband said: "these girly night out need to stop! My wife came home with no knickers" The second husband replied: "that's nothing! My wife came home with writing on her upper thighs that said: THANK YOU FROM THE WHOLE FIRE BRIGADE"

29. Watching the market today will be a lot like watching Les Mis

A lot of talk about red and black, barely any mention of green, and a runtime that feels like an eternity

30. Do you know what Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They have the same middle name...yuck yuck -source Jimmy Carr

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